I stepped into this post on the Dave Seah blog, and found it really interesting. Dave started the entry saying that he had an epiphany about he’s like a child… i had known this for long time, and it’s quite difficult to deal with my child. The difficult part is that i don’t want to kill my interior child, it would be like losing a part of my body, and i believe the child is responsible for being creative, for my imagination, for my dreams. It’s always too easy to say “this is right, this is wrong, throw away all it’s not useful or productive”, in a sort of adulthood foundamentalism. The key is always to think.

I don’t want to end like the tipical “adult”, waking up before dawn, going to work (possibly a job you dislike that make you suffer and ascend like a saint), coming back home so tired you have to sleep at 21 or 22, possibily telling people how you felt oppressed and condemned in that job. No imagination, no creation, no hopes. Just the “put-your-head-down-to-work-sonny” attitude.
I hate that. My mother is like that. My father is a bit more creative, but being an high school teacher is not my wannabe job. My grandfather was the tipical working class hero, and now he’s 83 and he stands, hands behind his back, watching people crossing the streets in Venice, waiting for the end of his days. Gee.
Once in a restaurant i use to go i heard the owner saying “i’m not grown up, and i’m proud of it”. My girlfriend nearly killed me when i tell her the same sentence, but i agree with him.
My interior child need to be adopted to grow in an healthy adult, so i want to analyze him…

What i know of him?

  • he’s about 16, living in a sort of exploring mode of the world and opportunities around him;
  • he’s lazy;
  • he hates to be controlled, but he also loves a lot his family and little-fiancee;
  • he’s afraid of being hurt (emotionally);
  • he wants his loved-ones be proud of him;
  • he likes to share (opinions, interests, hobbies) but usually people aren’t much interested;

What he needs?

  • a model for what an happy and satisfactory adulthood is;
  • motivation, a lot;
  • a daily schedule as all the good children have: get up, wash yourself, go to school (study), practice sport and be nice with your friends (and little-fiancee);
  • an interesting and motivating environment;
  • physical security;
  • stability;
  • emotional support;
  • community connectivity.

(Thanks Dave for the last four.)

To be able to grow healthy, the child needs an adoptive parent with good qualities:

  • he has to feed, teach, and keep the child warm;
  • he has to control him, without being ossessive or caging him;
  • he has to let the child experiment and grow, helping with advices and no orders;
  • he has to be a good homeowner: keep track of the cash flow, mantain a good and healthy environment, help the child with his needs gently, be proactive in anticipating cause and effect.

So, as a new adoptive parent with a new child in the house, i have to behave properly and act, now.

More on this coming :)

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